Sat in a cafe in North London yesterday, I re-read a text message I was sent the previous night from someone I love and respect dearly. The reason I had to re-read it was simply that when it came through and my eyes darted left and right over the black letters on a grey background, those same eyes began to fill with tears and the black on grey turned into a blurry picture that became instantly indecipherable as written word. It took me 24 hours before I could actually read it properly without it appearing like I was looking through my old Dads, fingerprint marked, ‘milk bottle bottomed‘ glasses.
“We both know that stuff is just that – stuff. What is hurting you is how heartless she is being with your feelings. It feels like she is selling your love. It is as if your relationship didn’t mean anything to her. You cannot make her feel what she chooses not to. Look inside yourself. What was the relationship like for you? Did she make your soul sing? No one that important comes into your life without you getting something from them, and sometimes when they leave is the time to try to acknowledge what that is. Your lives were not meant to be together in the here and now. You will undoubtedly have had an affect on her soul too. You cannot live her life or control the way she behaves. You can only know how you have behaved. Let others learn their own lessons. Hurt is a feeling, both physical and emotional. it shows that you care and that you are capable of deep love. You have learnt that and can never forget it. Be proud that you have been the best person you can, in spite of everything. Love yourself and know that others do too. xx“
This beautiful and thought provoking message came from a person that continues to inspire me even though I haven’t seen her for over a year now, and was in response to a message I had sent her about a particular situation I discovered.
I discovered recently that my Ex girlfriend has been selling not only ‘our’ shared things, but also clothing, gifts and even Christmas presents that I bought for her, on eBay. (I wrote about this in I need to do the lottery. ) And to top it off, she’s even sold some of my own belongings that were left in her home when the breakup happened. I found a trail of sales on her eBay history of my belongings, our shared items and just about everything I ever bought her. Even today, there is a Christmas present for sale with the item description being simply a heartbreaking “Unwanted gift”. My heart fell through the floor when I found out, and this beautiful message above came in response to that.
People can be amazing. People ARE amazing; except the ones that consciously make an effort to sell your love on eBay that is. Over the past few months people I don’t really know that well, have offered to lend me money, friends have offered me places to live, my brother has supported me even though as his ‘big’ brother, it really should be the other way around. Friends have given me work so I can keep money in my pocket, and have shown love and compassion and have called me on a daily basis to see how I am doing. They have travelled to see me on days where I have found it hard to even get out of bed. One of my close friends calls me from Africa virtually every afternoon and his first question is always to enquire how I am.
It is easy to forget how many people care about you when you are so blinkered with life, love and personal issues. It is so easy to become tunnel visioned and introverted; I’m terrible for it and have always done just that. I remember reading a book once that said that when Men have problems, we would metaphorically retreat into our caves to ‘solve’ the problem. It also compared us [men] to elastic bands, in that we would indeed stretch further and further away but would eventually always snap back to normality once the issue had been resolved. Guilty as charged, and I’m sorry to all of my friends and family for always doing it. It is one of the major contributing factors to the failure of my relationship with my Ex. I have had to rely on friends and family for the first time properly in my life over the last year, and not one of them has let me down.
It is thanks to the beautiful message above that my days this week have been spent pretty much on the up side of the rollercoaster ride, and for that I really want to thank the person that penned it from the bottom of my heart.
It has been a funny few weeks since my last blog. I have been busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking competition. I have been working part time to keep the money coming in, following up on the issue of my professional licence with the ‘competent‘ (?!?) authority; an authority that simply do not answer any Emails that I send to them, so that they have nothing to be held accountable for. Great tactic, and as my Grandma would have said “well done you“. Again, through the actions and kindness of a friend, I have had ‘back door’ enquiries made about this further 3 month delay in being able to work, and with any luck in the world, we have heard that the licence should be issued shortly. I have also had to find alternative accommodation but I think I may have found another friend who is willing to put up with my presence until I can gat back on my feet again. Once again, friends are rallying and I feel blessed.
I received a funny message the other week on WhatsApp from an old friend. “Alright Treacle….. whats up? Tell me because I’m sensing all is not well.” I have known her for about 9 years and at one point (way before she met her now husband), we even dated for a coffee once or twice. She is a wonderful and thoughtful person and despite medical issues that plague her at the moment and all the stresses and strains that her life as a Wife, Mother and general occupant of this modern and hectic world bring to her metaphorical doorstep, she still found time to ask about my cryptic status update on WhatsApp. An electronic conversation ensued, and she offered her help in a most unconventional way ….
Laura is a witch. I’m not going to pretend that I know anything about witchcraft at all, I probably know more about Quantum mechanics than I do about witchcraft, but what I do know is that I like, trust and appreciate Laura and her amazing offer. Her offer was for me to explain my troubles to her and she would cast a spell for me. So I did. We spoke and I outlined the troubling issues that surround me at the moment. She listened. Weeks went by and I heard nothing until the morning of the 7th August. A beautiful message came through followed by a picture later that evening. She didn’t forget at all, and on the night of the full moon she did indeed cast her spell. Now wether or not you believe what she did is hogwash, if you take away the belief element from the equation and look solely at the human element, there is yet another example of a friend doing something for someone else. Priceless.
“In a heavy oppressive atmosphere, when the spirits sink too low, the best cordial is to read over all the letters of one’s friends.”