I have just completed and passed an amazing professional career course. 4 years straight of extremely difficult work, study, time, energy, sacrifice and a shed-load of money later and it’s done. I actually started it many years early with preparation and planning and the pre courses that are required. The year 2000 was the actual start but it’s now 2017. So, I should be extremely excited and buoyant about my future and I should be proud of my achievement so far right? Well I am, but it’s hidden. It’s hidden under a cloud of a particular problem that isn’t actually my fault to start with. I know that at the end of this month I will start missing the first payments on everything. Not just one payment, all payments, there will be no ‘robbing Peter to pay Paul’, everything is going to be returned UNPAID by July the 1st, there is no more money in the bank.
It is D Day today, no really it is. It’s the 6th June 2017. I make an entry into my paper diary that one of my best and most trusted friends bought me for Christmas 2016, It reads “REMEMBER THIS DAY. ALL THE SACRIFICE, STUDY, WORRY, HEARTACHE, AND EFFORT …. YOU ARE NOW QUALIFIED”. I don’t feel like it. I feel like a failure but then my mind goes back to why exactly I am in this position.
I opened my WordPress account today, about an hour ago in fact. I’m as new as they get to social media. I have a WhatsApp doofer on my phone, and that is the extent of it. A few days ago I had a flash of inspiration and thought to myself about writing down my experiences in the coming years so as to hopefully help others. I Googled a few things a few weeks ago looking for anyone else that had written down information, do’s and dont’s, top tips and advice about bankruptcy. I didn’t find a lot at all. Lots of advertisements for help with bankruptcy, most of which were charging for their services. I did however find an old Guardian newspaper blog entitled ‘the diary of a debtor’. I read it and my idea was born. I then had to Google what a blog actually was. I texted a friend who had worked in IT for many years before literally stumbling across an entirely new life. “What is a blog?” I asked. “Where do I do one?”. “Where do I go to find one?” “How do people find it?” …. From down in the dark, cool cellar of his North London pub, the answers, like his beer, came flowing.
I was never very good at English. Mrs Cullen didn’t like me, and to be fair, I wasn’t overly hot on her either. I am still not very good at English some 30 odd years later. To that end, please forgive my terrible written word and my even more terrible punctuation.
I started writing all this down in a note book a few days ago and this evening I cranked open the Laptop and went to work. There will be no literary prizes here. It’s not the best start to a blog, not an exciting one either but I’m dying to see what it looks like ‘published’.