Sat in the rain on a muddy canal bank in Lancashire, my hands smelling of wet maggots, nails dirty with fish slime and my breath smelling of stewed Tetley Tea decanted from my Dads, Tartan patterned, glass filled work flask, I cursed as the long slender lines of a bright green narrowboat slowly chugged right […]
The dull, wet December 2015 darkness made the front room and the scattered belongings, packing boxes and old furniture within it, even more sad and dreary than it actually was. The faint glow of Christmas lights shone from behind the closed blinds that kept the outside world, outside. Hanging alone from the top dead centre […]
OCTOBER 2018. An audible ‘ping’ on my smartphone alerted my attention to a change of my roster at work. I have been here now for 4 months learning about the company, learning the technical aspects of the Aircraft they want me to fly and sitting yet more exams to prove it has sunk into this […]
I had already drunk at least 10 cups of tea since waking up when the door bell finally rang. I’d been waiting in all day, no text, no phone call, just a time slot on an email – 7am to 3pm – ‘YES! it’s here‘, I thought. I was just as excited as when […]
It’s June of 2018, my bankruptcy has recently ended. I have a letter in my hand declaring that I am released from bankruptcy and it gives me a feeling of relief and also indicates to me how time flies past when you’re busy. I have had no more contact from any of the companies […]
Leaving the tube station I accelerate from a casual walk to a panic driven run as I crossed through a perpetual wave of Black cabs and bicycles in a game of human ‘Frogger’. I pull in tight to the brickwork on the opposite side of the street and hide under the window ledge of a […]
The house was cold and dark and the key was unfamiliar to my touch as it slid into the lock. A new build house of about 15 years old, it had one of these new multi lever security doors that require not only the key to be turned, but also the handle to be […]
I am sat in a field in Northern France. I’m not moving at all, it is silent and I can see the rolling, green and pleasant countryside for miles in just about all directions. Looking left I can see a beautiful, resplendent old stone farm complex with pale blue wooden shutters keeping out the […]
Written May 2018. Strangely I am writing this particular piece back in the exact spot in Mark’s flat that I started this blog. Back once again in the little SE England town where I lived for almost 10 years and where everything in life changed. I’m back here to sign on the Dole again […]
I feel lost. I have lost faith in many things over the last few years, but my ability to keep going, keep plodding and keep fighting is still unwavering. Yet I still feel lost. It is as if I have a compass and know the direction I need to travel, but don’t have a […]
The ramblings of a bankrupt. 