Advice from total strangers.

thank-you-noteWhen I started this blog I started to follow others that had followed me.  I receive e-mails from them to show me when they have posted something as I’m sure they do from me.  There are a few that I really like and some that are good, actually they’re all good but a few of them are really good.

One in particular gives some wonderfully positive advice and I am an avid reader.  I considered just writing down here the actual blog names and links but I’d prefer to record it on my own blog for prosperity.  This is not plagiarism, my aim is simply to pass on some things that I have found amazingly helpful from other blogs.  Some of the things here I wish I had been able to read and employ earlier, some that I am employing right now as I type, and some I hope to, and intend to use in the future.  This is just a tiny snapshot of a few post excerpts in no particular order, that have helped and guided me in the last few months.   I hope they help you in some way too.

 

Control what you can

Feelings of stress or worry drain us of energy and can put extra strain on our bodies. The worst part is, often these worries are centred around things we have no control over.

Learning to block out your inner dialogue and unconstructive thoughts can help you deal with stress better. Rather than worrying about ‘that mistake’ you made last week, focus on the present. Letting go of the past can remove a lot of stress and complications from your life. Being present and ‘in the moment’ is the key to a more calm and balanced existence.

We all know how chaotic and crazy our lives are, so any small adjustments that make us feel better are definitely worth trying.   Hopefully this will help you take advantage of a moment to slow down or switch off.

 

 Set the right goals

Here are some questions to ask when setting goals:

  • What’s my biggest priority right now?
  • Why do I want to achieve this?
  • Is this a should or a want?
  • Does this align with my values?
  • Will this matter in 6 months?

 

Below are 51 ways to battle that anxiety

  1. Try Magnesium Citrate. It’s been shown to reduce anxiety in some people.
  2. Eat a Banana everyday (they contain magnesium and GABA).
  3. Carry a small notebook, when anxiety arises, write down how you feel. Distract yourself!
  4. Listen to meditation/relaxation music. Have headphones with you at all times.
  5. Practice meditation. Read a book on how to meditate. (Get Some Headspace by Andy Puddicombe is a good option)
  6. Exercise (at least 3x per week, 30 minutes of cardio per session). Exercise banishes the jitters!
  7. Try self-therapy (buy a therapy book and work through it).
  8. Try deep breathing exercises. Deep breathing makes it very difficult to clench your muscles in anxiety.
  9. The voice in your head doesn’t always want the best for you. Fruitless thought is just that, fruitless.
  10. Everyone experiences anxiety. It’s normal. Be prepared to accept some level of anxiety into your life.
  11. Be willing to experience your own life fully. You are alive! It is a gift!
  12. Put life goals before your anxiety. Be resourceful, you can find a way to have it all.
  13. Don’t let your thoughts control you. You don’t need to agree or argue with them. Let them pass.
  14. Happiness doesn’t mean your life is free of difficulty. Happiness is acceptance in this moment.
  15. Talk to someone, find a friend who also has anxiety. Learn together. Help each other.
  16. Eat a healthy diet. What we put into our bodies is important and can change how we feel.
  17. Get plenty of sleep. Anxiety feeds on exhaustion. Learn about setting up a night time ritual.
  18. Keep a journal. Writing down thoughts often removes them from your head.
  19. Drink plenty of water, water does wonders.
  20. Let go of your efforts to control. Control is impossible in this world.
  21. Don’t hold yourself to impossible standards. You are human. You are fallible.
  22. Realize that the more you fight against your anxiety, the more you will experience.
  23. Be gentle with yourself. No one is perfect.
  24. Find inspirational quotes. Keep them on your phone or in your notebook for reference.
  25. Live in the now. It’s far better than living in your mind.
  26. Anxiety, plus the unwillingness to feel any anxiety creates suffering.
  27. Say your thoughts out loud, expressing them gives them less power.
  28. You are not your thoughts, you are the awareness behind your thoughts.
  29. Remember: This too shall pass. No moment lasts forever.
  30. Go outside, ground yourself to the earth, clear your mind.
  31. Avoid caffeine. The effects of caffeine can mimic a panic attack.
  32. Distract yourself with a book, a friend, a movie, a project, a passion.
  33. Talk to a therapist. They can help point out flaws in your thinking patterns.
  34. Learn to accept your anxiety when it occurs. Don’t fight it. You are not at war against yourself.
  35. Accept the things about your life that you cannot change.
  36. Make plans about the things you can change.
  37. Don’t be afraid to share your struggles. Sharing promotes understanding and empathy.
  38. Avoid avoidance. Attempt to tackle your fears with a trusted friend. Go slowly. Be patient.
  39. Schedule down time. Don’t over extend yourself.
  40. Remember, you are a free agent, always. Free to come and go as you please.
  41. Plan easy escape routes for events that give you anxiety.
  42. Find the good things in your life. Focus on what you are thankful for.
  43. Many anxious people are also creative. Find a creative task that makes you happy.
  44. Read about anxiety. Realize you are not alone and find comfort. Anxiety is a struggle for millions of people.
  45. Don’t let the little voice inside your head make you feel badly about yourself.
  46. Look forward toward opportunities and hope, don’t look back at failures.
  47. Take each day, each task, each event as it comes.
  48. Worrying is fruitless. It is an activity of the mind that changes nothing about the real world.
  49. Give yourself a break. Give yourself a hug. Give yourself permission to be human.
  50. Realize that every day is different. Some days you will be more anxious than others. Take advantage of less anxious days.
  51. Enjoy the little moments in life.

 

Conquer Soul Crushing Negativity

  1. Frame questions of doubt in a positive light
  2. Focus on building and celebrating small habits
  3. Give yourself permission to smile and laugh
  4. Stop saying ‘can’t + won’t’
  5. Be careful with ‘always’ + ‘never’
  6. Vary your environment
  7. Move as if your life depended on it.. exercise!
  8. Challenge yourself to learn + grow
  9. have a conversation with yourself… Literally
  10. Let go of mistakes
  11. Allow yourself to make new ones
  12. Practice random acts of kindness
  13. Bring fun back into your life
  14. Set boundaries (No gossip, judgement or unsolicited advice)
  15. Don’t take other peoples negative personally
  16. Get out of your head + get present
  17. Embrace the beauty of your quirks

Nine ways to deepen your relationship bond and be a happier couple

  1. Accept your partner’s uniqueness. We have all had moments when we wished our partner was thinner, wealthier, more romantic, and so on. Take a look at your expectations and ask yourself how realistic they are. Unrealistic expectations lead to chronic frustration, which my study found is the main reason relationships fail.

 

  1. Do random acts of kindness — often. Small gestures that say “I’m thinking of you” are essential to keep the relationship bond strong — e.g., he fills up her tank with gas, she brings him a steaming cup of coffee in bed. Hand holding, touching or a midday love email are all small ways of showing affection. Research shows that the accumulation of small gestures has a bigger impact on couple happiness than grand, less frequent gestures.

 

  1. Devote 10 minutes a day to connecting. Most couples think they talk to each other all the time. But how often do you talk about things that really deepen your understanding of your mate? The happy couples in my study talked to each other frequently — not about their relationship, but about other things — and felt they knew a lot about their spouse in four key areas: friends, stressors, life dreams, and values. Set aside 10 minutes a day — I call it “The 10-Minute Rule,” to talk to your partner about anything other than work, family, the household, or the relationship. This simple change infuses relationships with new spirit and life.

 

  1. Fall in love all over again — weekly. Spontaneous dates are great, but the truth is that we’re busy and we often don’t make time for our lover. Keep your love relationship healthy with a once-a-week date — dinner out, a movie, dancing, an art show, couples yoga — whatever. Take turns planning it. Men: studies show that women are more passionate and their libido is stronger when they are out of their home setting—away from kids and chores. Watch what happens when you book a night at the local hotel, and get a friend or relative to watch the kids and pets.

 

  1. Change and grow — together. Your love relationship is a living thing that needs nourishment to grow and develop. The best way to nurture it is to infuse it with change. Much like fertilizer for a plant, introducing change into relationships has been shown to be a key ingredient to couple happiness. The changes can be small, but they have to upset the routine enough to make him or her sit up and take notice. Switch roles: If he always makes the dinner reservation, let her do it. Or interrupt routines: Play hooky from work and do something fun together, like visiting a museum or tourist spot nearby. Or try something new: Take a water-skiing class together, or go on a mediation retreat.

 

  1. Get to know each other’s friends and family – Research found that men, in particular, are happier when the female has a good relationship with his family. Also, couples who accept — not necessarily love — each other’s friends and make an effort to know them report being happier than couples who have separate friends and separate family lives.

 

  1. Be a caregiver. One of the three things couples need for a happy relationship is support (the other two needs are reassurance and intimacy). The happy couples in my study uniformly said that having a partner who was “there for them” was one of the most important aspects of their relationship. Men often like to give instrumental support — the kind of support that fixes or solves a problem. Women often like to give emotional support — empathetic listening and constructive feedback. Find out what type of help your partner really wants first, and then give it to him or her — often and consistently.

 

  1. Keep it light — and full of light. Laughter is a spiritual practice. In marriage, it acts as happiness medicine. To keep your relationship from slipping into a rut, you need to balance the rational aspects of your partnership with the fun parts. Yes, you need to do certain things to keep your life orderly and your partnership secure. But don’t forget to play. Try to rediscover the pure delight of playing a game, acting childish in the snow, watching a silly movie, dragging her onto the dance floor, and so on.

 

  1. Find a healthy way to communicate. The happy couples from a long-term study of marriage all said that good communication skills were what kept them together and thriving. This means not only asking your partner what he or she needs, but telling your partner what you need. It means checking in regularly to find out what stressors are rearing their ugly head in your partner’s life, and it means learning how to fight fair — no name calling, shaming, or kitchen sinking (bringing up everything that’s bothered you for the last year).

 

The 5 languages of love

1. Acts of Service

Did you know that vacuuming the house can be a token of love? If you speak this language, then you’re probably screaming, “Of course it does!

If your significant other always fixing your car, adjusting things around your house, and offering to help you out with chores, this is their love language! To people who speak the love language of acts of service, love is best given and received as gestures of assistance.

To them, love is action and helpfulness; they want someone who will offer aid and do things for them without asking.

To best show them love:

  • Ask them what you can do for them, and then do it.
  • Secretly do items on their to do list to lighten their load.
  • Offer help when you see them struggling with something.

2. Words of Affirmation

To some, words are empty. But to others, they’re everything.

If you ask someone whose love language is acts of service how much a “you’re beautiful” matters to them, they’ll say “not much, why don’t you help me wash these dishes instead?”

But, to someone who speaks the language words of affirmation, hearing little pleasantries from their significant other means the world to them! They want to know that you think well of them, and seek the verbal confirmation of this.

To best show them love:

  • Offer sincere, specific compliments to them.
  • Tell them often that you love and appreciate them.
  • Affirm them daily with phrases like “I believe in you” or “You’re so smart, you can do anything!”

3. Physical Touch

While people who speak this language may regard intimacy with more reverence, physical touch is not a euphemism for sex.

If your loved one speak this language, they may be barnacle-esque. Is your significant other always glued to you, wanting to hold your hand, always having to maintain contact? If so, this is their language.

These people do not seek to smother, this is just how they love. To them, physical contact is love.

To best show them love:

  • Give them hugs and snuggles all the time.
  • Hold their hand whenever you can.
  • Rub their back when you are waiting in line or sitting together.

4. Quality Time

People who speak this language don’t want gifts, they don’t want cuddles, they don’t want things done for them, and they don’t want kind words. They want your time!

And simply being in their presence doesn’t count. They want your undivided attention, they want you to be engaging with them.

To these people, time is the most precious thing that you can give someone. If you’re not giving them your time, then they will quickly feel that they are unimportant to you.

To best shown them love:

  • Carve out time in your schedule to see them.
  • Put away your electronics when you’re with them, ensuring to listen and respond to them.
  • Let them know when you’re busy, so that they don’t feel neglected/unimportant, when in reality, you’re swamped with work.

5. Giving Gifts

These people would be elated to receive flowers. It’s not that they’re materialistic, but rather, that they see tokens as a currency of love.

People who speak this language are always giving little things to the people that they love, and are overly ecstatic to receive anything from anyone. Remember: the gifts don’t have to be bought! A cool rock from a place you visited is more than sufficient.

To best show them love:

  • Acquire little trinkets wherever you go that reminds you of them, and give to them.
  • Surprise them with gifts regularly.
  • Wear and use the gifts that they present you with, so that they know you value them.

 

Know when it is time to let go of someone who isn’t healthy for you

Recognise the signs. If your partner is not compassionate about your anxieties, it is time to let them go. Like I said, your mental health is yours and not everyone will understand it. Dependence may not be healthy, but empathy in a relationship is essential for someone with anxiety. If they are unwilling to communicate, listen and reassure you even if it feels tedious, they may not be a suitable match. It is so much easier said than done, but always put yourself first and thank yourself later. I promise, you will still be worthy of love.

 

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